Bless Your Heart

Transcript

Hey there, church. It's pastor mark. Again, don't worry, pastor. Jason, we'll be back next week, but you have one more week with me. I'm so excited today to kick off our new sermon series. Bless your heart. Now we laugh at that. I'm a good Southern boy. I know what bless your heart means. You're not Southern. You might not hear that all the time. It's a good way of saying you sound stupid. No, I'm just kidding. It's not that, but that's really what it translates to in Southern, but you know what? We're going to take a seven week look at relationships and what Jesus intends our relationships to be. That's why we're going to call it. Bless your heart. See the idea today is that our relationships determine not only the direction of our lives, but the quality of our lives. And we're designed to be relational. People. See, in fact, our relationships face many threats. See there's our own selves that threaten our relationships. Other people threaten our relationships and remember, ultimately, the devil himself threatens our relationships. And that's what we're going to look at. But today we're going to look at how we hurt our own relationships. Yup. Absolutely matter of fact, I'm going to title today's message. It's not you it's me. And it usually is because the truth is even, I sometimes hurt my own with people. See we have normal tendencies and our tendencies are our sins. If you think about this, our sin helps us see the best in ourselves. When in actuality we see the worst in others. Our sins make us judge others by their actions, and yet judge ourself by our intentions. And you know, that's just the tendency of sin. Sand ruins, our destiny seeing ruins our life. And ultimately sin can ruin our relationships even internally when we do it. But the Bible is true and we can build on that. And the Bible has a lot to say about relationships. And so today I, I was reading and I read this verse and it really stood out to me because it's the simplest of verses. But yet when Solomon wrote this it's earth shattering, he says in Proverbs four seven, getting wisdom is the wisest thing mean you can do and whatever else you do develop good judgment. Now what else? Smart thing to say, getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do because wisdom has the direction of our lives and its hands and the beauty of it. He has wisdom. Does it eliminate all problems, but it sure does minimize them think about it. The older we get, we handle situations differently. Why? Because we develop wisdom with age. Typically. Now, even if you're ancient, you still make mistakes. You might not be the wisest person, but Solomon said it getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do. How simple of a statement is that Romans 1218 says do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Think about that, do all that you can to live in peace. So when we lay over the idea of wisdom and our relationships, Romans tells us to be at peace with everyone. Proverbs tells us to get wisdom. It's the wisest thing you can do. I think today, as a foundation for relationships, we have to take a look at the impact that wisdom has on our relationships. So I want to talk about the six characteristics of a wise person, because I think a wise person seeks out peace, peace in the relationship, peace in themselves, peace with God. And I want us to look at the six characteristics of what it is to be wise. And when we do that, there's actually a checklist given to us in the new Testament about being wise. It's given to us in James chapter three verses and Tang James writes. But the wisdom from above is first of all, pure, it's also peace, loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and full of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. So the first characteristic of a wise person is wise. People are honest people. I mean, think about that. Relationships are built on honesty. Marriages are built on honesty and trust, but the wisdom from above is first of all, pure pay attention to that word pure because when we think about it, it means unpolluted clean, clear untainted. It's pure. The word we use today for that is integrity. Have integrity in your relationships. James is saying the foundation of all good relationships is integrity in your friendships, in your relationships with your spouse, your children, whatever it is. It's integrity. I was reading this week and I, I read this about Dr. Leonard killer. Now Dr. Leonard killer was the one that invented the lie detector test. And I love what he said. He said that he tested over 25,000 people and he concluded that people by nature are dishonest. The man that founded the lie detector test said by nature, by human nature. And I don't think he was wrong because we're born into a sinful nature. And by nature, people are dishonest. If you want to be wise and relationships, you know, I want you to think about it. Don't live a double life. Only speak the truth. Even if the truth hurts, you can be gentle with it. You tell lies even white lies. All of a sudden you have to tell bigger lies to keep up with what you said before for tell the truth. And you don't have to remember your own lies. If you always tell the truth you live with integrity. I know sometimes the truth hurts. Be gentle with the truth, but still tell it, remember that if there's no truth, there's no trust. If there's no trust, there's ultimately no relationship. And so the foundation of a good relationship is to be honest. The second characteristic of a wise person that James taught us is that wise people are peace, loving people. He said there in chapter three, that wise people are peace. Loving people wise, people are peacemakers. They're not troublemakers wise wise. People are not divisive. They don't into it to nitpick and to tear things apart wise, people don't complain all the time. They don't cause havoc wise, people love peace wise. People are not always looking for a fight. Think about that. Sometimes in relationships, we know what button to push to set that person off, avoid it. Wise, people are pacemakers. Don't push the hot button. Don't provoke your spouse, your best friend. If you know it's something, that's go make them mad, beat peace, loving about them because that's what a wise person does. Listen, I want to tell you about my wife, Regina. And I see like every relationship. There are times that we don't always agree. Big shocker, right? We'll get this. Regina is the one that when she gets mad, she gets quiet. Boy, that makes me even matter because I want to talk and you know what? I mess it up because I get so mad. Sometimes I let anger take over and then I'll start saying things because she's not talking. That's not why is it all? That's one of those hot buttons. If she wants to not talk about it for a bit, I need to back off. I've been married 20, almost 21 years. Not just now learned that. Sometimes I have to take a deep breath and not talk. And that's hard for a pastor to do. That's what we do is we talk, but yet, sometimes she needs her space. I love this in Proverbs 23 Solomon also, right? Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor only fools insist on coralling. Yes. So if my wife is watching, I just said it only fools and says don't correlate. But sometimes on the opposite, end of that, what are we arguing over? What are we not talking about? What is it? Because only fools right? Insist on fighting is what the Bible tells us. See, there were three responses that destroy peace in a relationship. The first response is comparing, listen, ever, ever, ever, ever say, you're just like your mother or I wish you could be more like the comparison trap is the worst trap to get in and will tear relationships apart. That is a true, bless your heart moment. Corinthians 10, 12 says comparing is unwise. We shouldn't compare. That's where we get things like jealousy and fights. And we begin to covet our neighbor. Neighbor. Think about that because at that point in time, comparing is unwise. The second thing that will tear a relationship apart is condemning. So comparing is not good, but neither is condemning avoid statements. Like you never, you always, you can't do those things. You should be ashamed. Those are not statements that we should say to those in our relationships because those condemning statements are negative statements. That tear relationships part. And then lastly is contradicting statements because contradiction, tears apart a relationship. Well, that's not how it happened. Well, you're not telling the story, right? You ever been with a couple and, and one cup, one of the, uh, members starts telling the story and then the next one's correct in every one. And they look at them and say, well, why don't you just tell the story because contradicting call's problem. If I think about this, a statement, and I don't even know who wrote it, but I found it written this way because I was studying wisdom is the art of knowing what to overlook. Think about that wisdom is the art of just knowing what to overlook as a parent. It's the art of knowing what battle to fight and what battles not to fight in a relationship with your, your husband or your wife. It's knowing when to say something. And sometimes just when to let it roll off, because that's the most important thing you can do to be a peace loving person. And to be wise, Philippians four or five says, let everyone see that you are considerate in all that you do think about that. The third thing a wise person does is that wise people are considerate. People wise, people look out for others and what they do, this might be surprising. But the word all in Greek has one translation. It means all. There's no big fancy pastoral translation for that. All is as simple as all can mean. Wise is gentle all the time. That's what James told us to be a wise person. You have to be gentle all the time. It's that easy of a translation. See relationships are 99% gray. And that was a guy we like black and white. We like cut and dry feelings are the same way. Feelings are neither right, nor wrong. And so in a relationship, sometimes you have to remember that. That's what they are. Failings are gray. You have the right to feel the way that you feel. And I have the right to feel differently, but we can't let that hinder our relationship. There's no facts here. When we talk about feelings, it, you can't argue feelings. This is how I feel. Well, I don't think you should feel that way. How can you argue that you should be gentle and considerate of other? When we think about that, this, I want you to think if I want to be wise minimize how the other person in the relationship is feeling. Sometimes the best thing you can do is listen. Maybe they just want to talk about it. Don't minimize their feelings. Let them talk. That is a sign of a wise person. You don't have to agree or disagree to listen. Doesn't mean that you have to take their side or not. It's just listening to them. You know how many fights so we could have avoided marriages. If the husband or the wife would just listen and give the other one, the opportunity to talk and then respond back because it's all communication. I talk, you listen. And then you talk. I listen. But with any one of those falls apart, either I won't let you talk or you won't talk back. We're setting up a fight. So to be wise is to be considerate of other people. The best way to deal with difficult person and difficult people is to be a considerate person and to be overly passionate with them. The fourth sign of a wise person is that wise people are reasonable people. It doesn't always have to be your way or the highway be a reasonable person. Wisdom. As James tells us willing to yield to others, think about that idea yield. What does that mean? I love, uh, I love some other translations of the Bible. The living Bible says yield means allows discussion. The English standard says yield means to open to reason. Think about that. To be open to reason to others, being willing to allow discussion between people. That's what a wise person does. Open to reason. That's willing to learn son and willing to learn. That's what a reasonable wise person does. It is foolish to cut people off. It is foolish to not let people have their say. It is foolish to jump to conclusions. So a wise person is reasonable and they'll sit back and let people have their say and not to try to finish it for them. You can't reason with someone who is unreasonable. Trust me, I've tried over the years to reason. And you just can't reason with these people. Are you a reasonable person? Are you willing to listen to the other side before you make a decision? I even think at work and with my children or, or whatever the situation is, there's always two sides to every story. You've heard that statement. You've heard this statement. Well, there's always two sides to the coin and that's true because one person sees it one way, the other seasons of another. And to be honest, most of the time, the truth is probably in the middle and that's being reasonable. When we think about this, can people, you disagree with reason with you, are you so headstrong that you aren't the unreasonable person? Because the Bible tells us that that's not a wise person, a wise person is reasonable. You. Can't reason with the people that don't want to be reasoned with, but most of us are over sensitive to the opinions of others. And sometimes we don't like to be corrected thing being that's me. I get that statement. I don't like to be corrected sometimes. And I have to remind myself that I'm not always right. I'm not always right in my marriage. I'm not always right in my friendships. I'm not always right. As a parent, sometimes I make decisions and I have to go back and say, I'm sorry that wasn't the right decision. But I make a decision with the information that I have. And it's okay to be reasonable and change your mind and not be so headstrong that you never change. You know, I, I read a funny story and it was, uh, a new pastor and it was his first sermon and he gets up there. And then all of a sudden, after the sermon, he felt pretty good about itself. That old man walked up to him and said, pastor, that message dunk. And then he walked off. The young pastor just looked around and another man came up and said, oh pastor, don't worry about Jim. He only repeats what everybody else is saying. Think about that statement right there. See, everybody has an idea. They want to give you, everybody wants to talk about something. There are going to be people in your life that try to speak into it. And sometimes even if you don't want to hear, you know what you do, you listen, you listen. And then when they walk off, I want you to practice something say, well, amen, bless their heart. But give them their pace. Let them speak. It's an okay thing to do. Proverbs 18, 15 says, says, intelligent. People are always ready to learn. Their ears are open for knowledge, intelligent. People are always willing to learn. What'd you learn today? What was new today? Every day you should learn something because at moment that you know, at all, you're unreasonable, you can learn something every day, stop wasting your life, trying to prove that your idea is right or that your idea is wrong. Sometimes you just have to move on to the next idea. And that's okay. Now the fifth thing that makes a person wise, James tells us is that wise people are merciful and kind people wise, people are merciful and con, remember what he said in James three wisdom is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. Who's the wisest in the universe. God, who's the most merciful in the universe. God. So think about those statements to be wise must mean that your merciful God is the wisest. And yet the most merciful. Now you think there's a connection there. Mercy gives people what they need, not what they deserve. You know what mark deserves. Mark deserves hell, but yet God has mercy on me. So I think that if I'm to be a little Christ, a little Christian, I'm supposed to live and try my best to live. The life that Jesus lived, I should strive to be wise and con you know what? Don't emphasize the mistakes of other people. Don't always point out the wrong. Don't always be negative. Or you as the first words to commodities your mouth, no is the first words to come out of your mouth. I don't like that. Sometimes you even do it because it's out of habit will eventually, you know what people are going to start doing? I should say, stop doing. They're going to stop talking to you. If you're always negative. And you always say something that's a no or a can't or a negative statement of actually people are just going to stop talking to you. And you're going to destroy your relationship. I read a funny story this week about a young man who had failed a test at school. And he went to his dad and he was, he was so afraid to go to him. But he had told his friends all day, man, I got to tell my dad that I failed this test. The next day, when he came to school, his friends were like, what did what'd your dad do? And he said, well, my dad, he got historical. And they were like, dude, you mean he got hysterical? No, he got historical. He brought up everything that I've ever done wrong. Are you that person? Because you remember what I said that wise people are and merciful people. Do you keep an account of every wrong? Isn't that amazing that our God forgives us. And then the Bible says he forgets, but yet it's human nature to give an account of everything that somebody wrongs you with. Remember the Lord's prayer is a daily prayer. I, God help forgive me of my sins. As I forgive those that are sinned against me, or debted against me or trespassed against me, it's a daily tense that's talked about there. You can't be historical in your relationships cause you'll tear them apart. At some point, forgiveness is something that you have to reach out to do you do that? Are you a fault collector? I like that term a fault collector because there are things you hold on to that instant, your husband or your wife messes up. You bring back what they did seven years ago because you've never gotten over it. You're not being con you know, Matthew 18 tells us that we have to learn to get over it. And that's a whole message for another day, but I want you to go look up Matthew 18, get over it. That's what he teaches us. If we want relationships to work, we have to do that. Proverbs 17 nine says love prospers. When a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it, separates close friends. How can you have a relationship? If you're picking every fault, you're tearing them apart. I promise you that. Learn to let go. And the last characteristic of a wise person wise people are sincere people. Wisdom shows no favoritism and is always sincere. That's what James told us. I think back to the Greek theaters and when an actor would change mask and play different roles, the Greek word is hypocrite dose. Well, think about that to change your mask, to act hypocrite dose. That's where we get our word today. Hypocrite wise, people are sincere. People wise, people are without hypocrisy says the king James version. They don't change mask. They S they're who they are. They're genuine. They're authentic. If I want to be wise, I don't have an ulterior motive. I'm mean it. When I say it, if I say it to you and I mean it that's what a sincere person does. I won't lie to you. I won't cheat you. I won't trick you. I'm going to be honest with you. I won't take advantage. I won't mislead. You wise people aren't posers. It's that simple wise people are who they say they are. This is what you get. This is that's what a wise person is. They're not, phoneys, they're real, genuine, authentic people. What you see is what you, as I close out today, I want you to remember that wisdom starts with us. In many times, we tear our own relationships apart. And so I think it's important that we talk about being wise so that we can study relationships for the rest of the month. Next, next several weeks, we're going to talk about it. If we have more wisdom, we'll have more peace. And the source of that wisdom and the source of that peace comes from only one place. And I promise you that that's Jesus, listen, today, you might need peace. You might say, pastor, I need peace. I need wisdom. I need every bit of what you just said because my relationships are horrible. My work relationships, my friends, my spouse, maybe it is me. Maybe you do need to find the wisdom to be successful in your relationships. Maybe you just need to find the peace of Jesus. If you need Jesus right now, I want you to pray with me, dear God, heavenly father. I know there are people out there right now that say, I need Jesus. God. I want you to listen to their prayers. Friends, pray, something like this. God save me. God. I, it meant I'm a sinner. I believe Jesus died for me. I believe he was the son of God. And I confess him as Lord of my life. God, I need wisdom and peace. My life. I need Jesus. It is in your name. I pray. Amen. Fran, maybe you got saved today. Reach out to us and let us know through that online connect card. But maybe you just need peace in your relationships. I want you to go back and read James chapter three this week, as you think about, are you a wise person? What does that mean? God heavenly father. I pray for my friends and my family and those that don't know me that are out there right now that are struggling in relationship problems. God, God, that you'll just pour your favor out upon them. God, God help them seek out wisdom so that they can find peace. God, God help us to look at ourselves as maybe the reason why our relationships are falling apart. Guide God, grant us those things that we need to be wise. God, God, we love you. It's in your name. I pray. Amen. Thank you today, church. Now go and be the church.

We’ve all got people in our lives that make us want to say, "bless your heart". From button-pushers and boundary-ignorers to havoc-wreckers and drama-seekers, these people test us like no other. If our relationships determine the direction and quality of our lives, learning how to deal with difficult people can change the course of our life forever.
Join us for our new series, Bless Your Heart, as we learn how to deal with difficult people in a way that both honors God and brings peace back into our lives!